03/07: Moses on a Bicycle
So here’s the thing. I have been so busy trying to lead the construction project, minister to the Malawians and people in Malawi, as well as lead the team from California and minister where I can, that I had neglected allowing the Lord to minister to me. So on Tuesday evening, after a very discouraging day at the project, I had to go and meet with Asif in town for another great matter. So I decided to walk in to town about 5pm, just before dark. It is about 8km into town, a little over an hour to where Asif works. But for the past week I had not been walking much as the team used minivans, and the Lord really uses that quiet time as we walk (He and I) walk together into town. It had been lacking this past week.
So as I am walking into town, the Lord just begins to break me. I keep feeling such a great burden for the pains, hurts, and eternal direction of so many…the native Malawians, friends like Asif, people on the team, people back home, and people I do not even know…I can actually feel their hurts, pains, and burdens…but I most times have no clue how to deal with this and feel like such an utter failure at taking care of any of them. I felt like a failure for not having the project ready by this time, for not having a place to get these street children off the street in Malawi; I felt like a disgrace for leaving my wife and daughter in such a bind with our housing situation; I felt like such a wretch for being unable to have the words to minister to people like Asif; I reflected on my failures with my employees back in the US…many of whom I use to ashamedly refer to as ‘projects’ the Lord had sent to me to try and ‘work on,’ rather than seeing them simply as ‘lost and hurting sheep that had no shepherd.’ God was not sending me projects, He was sending me and trusting me with living, breathing, hurting children that were orphaned spiritually (and some physically) that needed someone to love them, protect them, watch out for them, teach them, guide them and lead them… and I knew I had failed God and them all.
It was then, in my brokenness, that the Holy Spirit brought to mind a man of God named Moses. The Holy Spirit reminded me of Numbers 11:10a-15 “Then Moses heard the people weep throughout their families, every man in the door of his tent: ... And Moses said unto the LORD, Wherefore hast thou afflicted thy servant? and wherefore have I not found favour in thy sight, that thou layest the burden of all this people upon me? Have I conceived all this people? have I begotten them, that thou shouldest say unto me, Carry them in thy bosom, as a nursing father beareth the sucking child, unto the land which thou swarest unto their fathers? Whence should I have flesh to give unto all this people? for they weep unto me, saying, Give us flesh, that we may eat. I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me. And if thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, out of hand, if I have found favour in thy sight; and let me not see my wretchedness.”
He reminded me that Moses had felt the same way. He felt hopeless and powerless, and felt the burden of this people as well. He too was so discouraged that he asked the Lord to just allow him to die so that he would not have to see his own wretchedness…his own utter failure. I could relate to that. After an unidentifiable period of time in this state, something amazing happened…Moses rode by on a bicycle!
It was not the real Moses obviously, but there was a Malawian man, dressed in a Moses like robe, and he was carrying a large hooked staff like we see Moses with in all of the paintings and pictures. It made me laugh and cry at the same time. God sent Moses on a bicycle to confirm I was on the right path and that we were communicating.
That was the turning point as the Lord then began to remind me that it was truly He that was carrying the burden, and not I. He is the one that has born their true burden...the burden of their sin on the cross at Calvary. All He is asking of me is to pick up my cross daily and follow Him…not follow behind Him, but follow Him as a young buck yoked together with a strong and experienced adult that shoulders most of the weight and keeps the plow on course. I am never alone in Christ. The burden is His, obedience stemming from love is mine. Compassion for the lost is ours together.
He then reminded me of the Apostle Paul…he too was ready to spend and be spent for his children begotten through the Gospel. He was ready to be accursed if it would mean the salvation of his people. Consider these and other of Paul's statements:
Galatians 4:19 "My little children, of whom I travail in birth again until Christ be formed in you,"
Paul was grieved over the people God led Him to lead until Christ was formed in them!
1 Thessalonians 2 “7But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: 8So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us. 9For ye remember, brethren, our labour and travail: for labouring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God. 10Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe: 11As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, 12 That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.”
This is the calling of a Shepherd. This is the burden for his flock.
So as I am walking into town, the Lord just begins to break me. I keep feeling such a great burden for the pains, hurts, and eternal direction of so many…the native Malawians, friends like Asif, people on the team, people back home, and people I do not even know…I can actually feel their hurts, pains, and burdens…but I most times have no clue how to deal with this and feel like such an utter failure at taking care of any of them. I felt like a failure for not having the project ready by this time, for not having a place to get these street children off the street in Malawi; I felt like a disgrace for leaving my wife and daughter in such a bind with our housing situation; I felt like such a wretch for being unable to have the words to minister to people like Asif; I reflected on my failures with my employees back in the US…many of whom I use to ashamedly refer to as ‘projects’ the Lord had sent to me to try and ‘work on,’ rather than seeing them simply as ‘lost and hurting sheep that had no shepherd.’ God was not sending me projects, He was sending me and trusting me with living, breathing, hurting children that were orphaned spiritually (and some physically) that needed someone to love them, protect them, watch out for them, teach them, guide them and lead them… and I knew I had failed God and them all.
It was then, in my brokenness, that the Holy Spirit brought to mind a man of God named Moses. The Holy Spirit reminded me of Numbers 11:10a-15 “Then Moses heard the people weep throughout their families, every man in the door of his tent: ... And Moses said unto the LORD, Wherefore hast thou afflicted thy servant? and wherefore have I not found favour in thy sight, that thou layest the burden of all this people upon me? Have I conceived all this people? have I begotten them, that thou shouldest say unto me, Carry them in thy bosom, as a nursing father beareth the sucking child, unto the land which thou swarest unto their fathers? Whence should I have flesh to give unto all this people? for they weep unto me, saying, Give us flesh, that we may eat. I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me. And if thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, out of hand, if I have found favour in thy sight; and let me not see my wretchedness.”
He reminded me that Moses had felt the same way. He felt hopeless and powerless, and felt the burden of this people as well. He too was so discouraged that he asked the Lord to just allow him to die so that he would not have to see his own wretchedness…his own utter failure. I could relate to that. After an unidentifiable period of time in this state, something amazing happened…Moses rode by on a bicycle!
It was not the real Moses obviously, but there was a Malawian man, dressed in a Moses like robe, and he was carrying a large hooked staff like we see Moses with in all of the paintings and pictures. It made me laugh and cry at the same time. God sent Moses on a bicycle to confirm I was on the right path and that we were communicating.
That was the turning point as the Lord then began to remind me that it was truly He that was carrying the burden, and not I. He is the one that has born their true burden...the burden of their sin on the cross at Calvary. All He is asking of me is to pick up my cross daily and follow Him…not follow behind Him, but follow Him as a young buck yoked together with a strong and experienced adult that shoulders most of the weight and keeps the plow on course. I am never alone in Christ. The burden is His, obedience stemming from love is mine. Compassion for the lost is ours together.
He then reminded me of the Apostle Paul…he too was ready to spend and be spent for his children begotten through the Gospel. He was ready to be accursed if it would mean the salvation of his people. Consider these and other of Paul's statements:
Galatians 4:19 "My little children, of whom I travail in birth again until Christ be formed in you,"
Paul was grieved over the people God led Him to lead until Christ was formed in them!
1 Thessalonians 2 “7But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: 8So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us. 9For ye remember, brethren, our labour and travail: for labouring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God. 10Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe: 11As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, 12 That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.”
This is the calling of a Shepherd. This is the burden for his flock.
